Forgiveness (part 4)

FORGIVENESS (Part 4)

Forgiveness, knowing whether you have truly forgiven someone, has been the recent topic of discussion. Recognizing that the entire Bible is a story of God and mankind being reconciled to Him and others brings me to the final installment of this topic. Once we have a disagreement or an offending situation with a person, how is the relationship affected by the event? Is the relationship simply severed? Do you just tolerate each other? Or is the relationship as strong as or stronger than before the incident happened?

The tendency with all disagreements is to go in one of two directions: we can try to pretend they don’t exist, in effect run from them, or we can try to attack the situation to create a win over our opponent. Neither method of dealing with conflict is effective or God-honoring. Both “solutions” allow for a winner and loser.  When that happens, the relationship that was once strong is now fractured and at least one of the parties will not want to be connected any more.

It is God’s desire to have relationships reconciled and restored.  In my own marriage I know that when my wife and I disagree in an unholy way, we are at our weakest and our relationship and marriage can be threatened. I also have discovered that when we truly forgive one another, that the bond between us has grown stronger than ever before.

How many people walk away from marriages, relationships, church families, and jobs because of hurts that have not been properly dealt with? If we recognize that the real goal in it all is to glorify God, then we can humbly and gently seek restoration so that we can be reconciled and create bonds of Christian love that are stronger than ever. Acknowledge that settling the issue has nothing to do with you. Remind yourself that it is bigger than just being “right” or having your way. Put God first in all of your dealings and you will be blessed beyond measure. You might not “win”, but you will gain much more.

Make and keep this promise and you will be showing a forgiving heart: I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.

The four blogs about forgiveness were based on Peacemaker Ministries material.

The Four Promises of Forgiveness are:

1.       I will not dwell on this incident.

2.       I will not bring this incident up and use it against you.

3.       I will not talk to others about this incident.

4.       I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.

Forgiveness (part 3)

FORGIVENESS (Part 3)

Relationships are tricky things. In the ebb and flow of life we can easily offend the people who are closest to us, often without even trying. When those things happen, asking for and granting forgiveness helps bring about the restoration of the damaged unity that once existed. Even though we can say the words “I forgive you.” we might still struggle with true forgiveness happening on the inside.

We have already examined two ways we can know we truly forgave: promising not to dwell on the issue and promising not to bring the issue up for the purpose of using it against the offender. The topic for this week’s blog is similar to the last one…choosing not to talk to others about the issue. When we bring an offense up with just the offender, there are only two people involved. Once we open the offense up to others, there is no end to where the information (and misinformation) can go and as a result, there is no way to repair all the damage done to that person’s reputation.

Once we discuss the situation openly with others, we have taken the role of judge and jury. Our contacts will also be dragged into the personal vendetta that began with our comments. The result is that the possibilities of restoration of both a relationship and a reputation fall off precipitously. Today’s social media frenzy is the perfect place to assassinate another person’s reputation. We see it happen daily and its effects are devastating.

If you want to “spread the news” of your offender’s actions to others, it is clear that real forgiveness has not happened, and worse than that, anything you say will likely be spread in ways that will make both of you look bad. Misquoted words and ideas will rush around your networks at lightning speed and there will be no good way to retract them. That will make attempts at complete restoration (God’s desire) highly unlikely and everybody ends up looking bad.

Decide today: I will not talk to others about this incident.

Why is marriage so hard? (part 1)

WHY IS MARRIAGE SO HARD? (part 1)

Marriage today is under attack. The most basic unit in our society is faced with tremendous pressure under the best of circumstances, but today the biblical plan for marriage is clearly in the crosshairs of our culture.

Regardless of what popular culture says, the marriage between one man and one woman stands as God’s plan for families, now and for all time. Why does this formula struggle so much?  In the next few weeks we’ll share some of the most common issues that threaten all marriages. This week’s post has to do with the adjustments a person must make when blending two lives together.

When two people marry and join their lives together, God intends them to function as a single unit, not two separate entities. The problem with that scenario is that each person enters marriage with a unique background that often is in direct opposition to the background of the other person. What value does each person put on big things like money, family, religion, career, and a host of other possibilities? Major disagree-ments in any single area could lead to significant problems. Multiply that out by the number of issues a marriage will face and it is easy to see why struggles are frequent and often debilitating for the couple.

A good pre-marital course that takes a couple through these potential problem areas would force a couple to deal with the issues ahead of a marriage. However, once the couple is committed in marriage, they must now find a way to live with their differ-ences in a way that is manageable and honors God. That is where they learn that there is a dance or an art to marriage. How couples resolve the differences that divide them will ultimately reveal whether their relationship will grow sweeter or go sour.